photo credit crosswalk.com
The last several years have been an unimaginable spiritual journey. I have grown deeper in my relationship with God and my Lord Jesus. There has been quite a few life experiences in which my eyes were opened to the incredible virtues of our Lord.
Although raised to know and love Jesus it was not until the last few years that I can truly say that I fell in love with Him. I hear him, I feel Him, I long for him, and when I feel distant I am broken and I know I am missing a part of myself.
I was recently quite sick. Sicker than I think I ever have been. I was bed ridden for days and even when I was upright I was not well. During these times I did not do any of my daily routines, I did not spend my morning in prayer I did not read the Bible I did not end my day talking with God one more time before sleeping.
Even now I am not completely well but I am doing things and I have returned to my times with God. As I pray I was feeling indifferent. I was not feeling connected to God as I was before becoming ill. I struggled praying and I would pause hoping to feel that connection I was longing for. It wasn't there or I wasn't in tuned to it. This saddened me greatly.
Something miraculous began in my prayer life the more I prayed the more I could feel the presence of God. But where had this gone? I was not feeling it, I could not hear The Holy Spirit I could not feel My Lord. I mustard through a few days of praying but really just was not in to it. Words did not come easy and my thoughts tried to drift away from what was in my heart. The harder I tried to hear God the further away I was feeling. The harder I tried to pray the more my words were absent.
One morning I went out to my Prayer time where I spend my mornings talking and listening to God. I cried and prayed for healing for restoration of my relationship with Him. I could no longer stand the feeling of being separated from Him. He answered but not right then and there. I finished up my prayer time and went on about my day. Though still weak I was doing a few chores here and there but still not myself. All the day I kept thinking about God and my time with him. I kept feeling so distant and I literally was in spiritual pain.
The end of the day came and I went into my evening prayers, before I could utter a word, I felt Him, I felt my God. I felt the presence of the Almighty as I had before. I could not pray a long prayer I could hardly talk, all I could do was kneel there in joy and feel the restoration of my relationship with the Father. There I was tears rolling down my cheeks a joy inside I can not explain and a feeling of being whole once again.
I believe the more something is important to you the more you will feel its absence. God did not change in those weeks of me being sick. My routine changed, what I fed my spirit changed. I actually was not feeding my spirit at all. I was taking in no nourishment for my soul.
God was not punishing me but it was a direct affect of a change in my spiritual health. I am convinced the more you seek God the more you will want to seek him. The more intimate time you spend with Him the more important those times will be to you. If something interferes with your spiritual growth you absolutely will feel it.
My time with God, time in which I truly desire to be in his presence listening, worshiping and praising is a continual growing development. If we back off we lose our grip we may have to begin at a different level. It is a developmental process. I believe because I recognized there was something different i felt something had changed and I cried out to God he restored me. I also know that if i take for granted my relationship with him the same could happen. I want to continue to grow closer and closer. There is something completely out of this mortal world that we can experience as we draw closer to the Father. The more we seek to know him the more we become the spirit inside of us. I don't know if I am explaining this right, because I'm not sure there are really words to describe the spiritual growth we can obtain. I do know without a doubt that I never want to go backwards in my relationship with God. It was not a choice I made to be sick but it did cause a direct change in how I felt inside.
I was unable to nourish my relationship I was unable to grow, I was not feeding my spirit and i was not moving forward. I thank God for this lesson for this revelation. I thank God that I now know that I must be consistent in approaching Him, spending time with him, and in his word. I simple will not grow if I do not, and I take a chance on losing some ground.
There is a beautiful peace in the presence of our Creator, a peace and joy that earthly words cannot describe. A beauty beyond comprehending, a feeling like no other. I want more and more time with God, I want to grow I want to hear him and feel him. I am deeply in love and so thankful for my Lord Jesus.
If you desire a closer relationship with God it all begins with you. You must earnestly pursue it, devoting yourself and your time.* Warning, the more you experience God the more you will desire it*. It is an endless development, we will never get enough of God but it sure is a incredible journey seeking to know him better.
Sherry Simmons November 3, 2022